My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
