and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
