I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
