mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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