I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
