1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
one might say we're banned from that church
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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