Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
