By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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