Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
