he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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