Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
