Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
