went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
