I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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