Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
