i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
