She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
