if i can run in heels then i can drive
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
