the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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