"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
