4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
