My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
