we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
