she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
