Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Enjoy the penises
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
