you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
