Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
