did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
