you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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