I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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