i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
