I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
