I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
