And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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