Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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