It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
