over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When are your genitals available?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
