For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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