the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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