then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
