it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You need Xanax blowdarts
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
