Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
