we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
