You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
