His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
