i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
