I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
