Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
