you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
