forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
accomplished twins. life is a go
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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